🌟 Midlife Crisis of Faith 🌟
I recently learned that I have just gone through an 18 month astrology transit of “midlife crisis in faith” with a Neptune-Neptune square, -which made everything about my last couple of years way more understandable to me.
My resilience of trusting that what I teach works, has been tested on a daily basis for the last couple of years.
I have had daily battles with my mind, -and then it coming in the back door.
You might relate…
Most mornings I have woken up completely ungrounded, in my head and worried about outside circumstances. In the beginning it brought me down emotionally in an instant.
The thing is that I believe and know, that the energy you are in on the inside, is reflected in your outside circumstances. So in my worrying thoughts, I produced scarcity multifold, because I couldn’t figure out what I could do MORE than what I already did, to change it on the inside, -which made me feel even more not enough. (Hint: It's also not about doing) Which I knew would affect my outer circumstances negatively.
Mindf*k coming in the back door.
Every single morning I meditated and/or did healing until I turned my thoughts and energy around, or simply peaced out, into allowance in gentleness.
So most days I haven’t been in my head. But almost every morning I have.
So it took more resilience and faith I ever though I needed, or was possible (since I started off with a good amount of trust in the Universe to start with), day after day, month after month, and years…
And exactly to the script of a Neptune-Neptune square, I started questioning what and how I really wanted to do with my life purpose work.
Everything I stand for, was tested.
How could I teach trust, when I was constantly tested in it?
Can one actually change an ingrained, conditioned mind pattern?
And what was I the most passionate about, really?
This fall, since the transit intensified again, I decided to win. And I did.
I now have an extraordinary peace and clarity of mind regardless of any outside circumstances, I feel like a saint in the way I don’t react to taking things personally, my ability to surrender to the unknown and trust in the Universe to take care of “human” things that my mind can’t figure out, -are more embodied then I ever thought I needed or could.
I feel like a high priestess living a normal human life, in one. Truly ALIVE.
That I am grateful for life and the little things like waking up peaceful, happy and empowered, -is a huge understatement.
In the letting go of everything I thought I knew, -I came home to my true soul essence. Whole.
🙏 😘 ~Kristina